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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25214041">Skulduggery and you</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Senpai_Guy/pseuds/Senpai_Guy'>Senpai_Guy</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Skulduggery Pleasant - Derek Landy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Biting, F/M, Kissing, Skeletons, Smut, Vaginal Fingering</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 11:40:42</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,579</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25214041</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Senpai_Guy/pseuds/Senpai_Guy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Wrote this using Ai dungeon. A friend asked me to upload.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Skulduggery Pleasant/Reader</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Skulduggery and you</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You are a junior detective living near the Sanctuary, working closely with Skulduggery Pleasant. It's been a rough few weeks, but you've sent the latest batch of villains to jail in shackles.</p>
<p>Now is your chance, before any more world ending events take his attention.</p>
<p>"Skulduggery... Have you ever thought there might be something more between us?"</p>
<p>"Like what?" asks Skulduggery.</p>
<p>"I don't know... A relationship? I don't mind if you joke around about it, but I do want an answer." You fidget with a pen in your pocket.</p>
<p>"Oh, well I'm not opposed to the idea of spending more time with you. I just thought you'd be working more often than you do these days." There's a playful lilt in his voice.</p>
<p>"That's not my fault! It's because I do such a great job, criminals are afraid to do crime, that's all!" Your temper flares and recedes immediately, like it always does.</p>
<p>Skulduggery looks at you.</p>
<p>"I see," he says slowly. "Well it is of our own choosing then. We can take this further if we like."</p>
<p>"I'd like to be more than a co-worker with you Skulduggery."</p>
<p>"As long as you feel that way," he says, his eyesockets somehow gleaming. "I'll be expecting you at my home at six tomorrow evening."</p>
<p>"I'll be there!" You're excited he agreed so quickly. He must have seen the way you look at him and ... Returned your feelings...</p>
<p>You show up at Skulduggery's home at 5:45. You were never one to be fashionably late, but showing up this early had you nervous. So you wait in the car until 5:59 exactly. But you get nervous again and Skulduggery emerges from the house at 6:01pm sharp.</p>
<p>"Sorry I'm late," he says as he hops into the passenger seat of your car. "Apologies."</p>
<p>He was probably watching you from his window marveling at how early you were and came out a minute late as a joke. That was part of his charm. You shift the car into drive and start down the road.</p>
<p>"So... we're going to my place?" He offers casually.</p>
<p>You slow the car as you laugh, and turn the car around, headed back to his place. You wonder if he made dinner. He may not need to eat but you sure do.</p>
<p>"Where else would we go?" you laugh. "Y'know, you could cook for me sometime."</p>
<p>"Sure," he says simply.</p>
<p>You pull into Skulduggery's driveway, shut down your car and walk up to his house, opening his own front door for him.<br/>As you open it, you see a moving van in the driveway. This must be where he stores his belongings while switching houses.</p>
<p> "How often do you move, Skulduggery? It must be stressful. Though guess it's also a great time to evaluate your physical belongings."</p>
<p>"Oh, not often," he says. "Too much stuff."</p>
<p>As he enters the house, you notice that he has a suitcase by the door.</p>
<p>You say "Always ready to run, huh Pleasant?"</p>
<p>"Always," he smiles, stepping past his suitcase into the foyer.</p>
<p>You follow him in, closing the front door behind you. He leads you into a kitchen at the back of the house.<br/>The smell of chicken wafts warmly into your nose. You had expected to be fed, but probably as an afterthought. But here was the great skeleton detective, surprising you again.</p>
<p>There are no seats in the room, so you turn your attention to the food in front of you.</p>
<p>He pulls the bird out of the oven with his bare hands. Er.. bare bones. It looks like he didn't even put it in a pan. He sets it gently on a paper plate. You almost laugh aloud when you realize that's exactly what he is, a skeleton without flesh or organs to hold the body together. What an illusionary mess that makes of him.</p>
<p>You lean over the chicken smelling deeply, wondering if he remembered that humans need utensils to eat hot food.<br/>You grab a piece of chicken delicately with your fingers, taking a bite out of it and chewing slowly. It's delicious! He must have spent a lot of time making it this tender. Did he look up some recipe online and whip this out on his first try?</p>
<p>You smile at Skulduggery's back as he rummages through a dusty drawer, presumably trying to find a fork or knife for you.<br/>He turns around, finally pulling out a tarnished silver knife and fork and setting them on the paper plate in front of you. How long had it been since he'd used proper utensils?</p>
<p>"What about you Skulduggery? Are you going to stand here in the kitchen and watch me eat a whole chicken by myself?"<br/>Skulduggery shrugs and leans back against the counter. You smile and take another bite of chicken as you narrow your eyes at him. It's always a toss up if he's making fun of you or completely serious.</p>
<p>"Well I'm certainly enjoying myself." You make a face as you stuff another bite of the delicious chicken in your mouth.</p>
<p>"I can tell," he grins, crossing his bony arms over his chest. "I'll let you enjoy yourself some more then."</p>
<p>You wonder if he is enjoying this as well. Some intersection between living vicariously through watching you eat what he can't and some sick perversion at making you eat standing up.</p>
<p>You lean on the counter and wish you had something to drink. Maybe there's a cup you can fill with tap water.<br/>Skulduggery watches as you go through his cupboards looking for something to hold liquid. He doesn't offer to help.</p>
<p>Finally you find a nearly full water bottle in the bottom of one of the cabinets.<br/>It's probably not even his. You weigh your options. Chicken is not a meal to be eaten with nothing to drink.</p>
<p>Deciding to stay on the safe side, you pour out the water into the sink and wash the bottle before filling it back up with cool tap water.</p>
<p>Skulduggery still hasn't moved from his spot by the kitchen counter. You wonder if he ever moves at all anymore.</p>
<p>You eat your fill of chicken and tap water in silence and toss the paper plate and the rest of the chicken in the trash. Skulduggery certainly isn't going to need it. You wait for him to make a joke about wasting food, but it never comes. </p>
<p>Is he... Asleep?</p>
<p>You almost wake him with your loud mouth, but decide that would probably be mean.<br/>Instead, you gently touch his arm. He still doesn't move.</p>
<p>"Skulduggery..." You whisper by where his ear used be. Still no reaction. What would happen if you just ran away with all the money you found in his home? Would he care? Would he even notice?<br/>Not that you would ever do anything like that. But sometimes strange thoughts creep into your head when you think about him.</p>
<p>You know he's undead; does that mean he's basically dead to you? You push that strange thought from your mind and look around for something else to do.</p>
<p>You turn to wash your knife and fork. Even though he doesn't use dishes he's still got dish soap. Plenty of things you could wash with dish soap, you ponder as you clean.</p>
<p>His silence isn't bothering you so much as his stillness. That's what's really getting to you. Just a skeleton... Sleeping? Watching you like a hawk?</p>
<p>Stop it, you scold yourself.</p>
<p>He turns his head towards you, and even though the motion is gentle, it still spooks you. He hadn't fallen asleep at all!</p>
<p>If you're gonna make a real go at this you're going to have to get used to stuff like that. The quiet, stillness, the waiting... It's all part of being a detective, and all part of being Skulduggery.</p>
<p>But if he was awake the whole time, that means he was awake when you touched his arm and whispered his name.</p>
<p>Your face turns an attractive shade of pink. You look away from him and start rinsing off your knife and fork. "So what's next?" You ask, trying not to make it obvious that you're blushing.</p>
<p>Skulduggery points over your left shoulder, indicating the second floor hallway behind you.<br/>"What's this?" You ask with a playful voice, "Skulduggery Pleasant owns a house with more than one room?"</p>
<p>He chuckles. "It's my bedroom."Just how long has Pleasant been out of the dating game? You're supposed to wait for at least the third date!</p>
<p>Your temperature begins to rise. "Oh, a bedroom..." </p>
<p>You stammer, already berating yourself for sounding like an idiot. "Uh... Well, I think I'll leave you to it then..." You mutter awkwardly, pushing back from the counter. Well done, idiot.</p>
<p>"I don't plan on going back there on my own, junior detective..." Skulduggery takes a step towards you. "I don't need sleep, remember?" He continues, raising his skeletal hand up towards your cheek. You can feel his cold, bony fingers stroking your face. "What's the matter? I thought this is what you wanted." He says, his voice dropping into a whisper.</p>
<p>You know he's trying to frighten you suddenly.</p>
<p>Maybe he's trying to impress how different you are. Maybe he never thought of you romantically and he thought the only way to turn you down for good was to scare you away. </p>
<p>It was kind of working. Your heart was beating out of it's chest.</p>
<p>"You're afraid to be alone with me." He whispers into your ear.</p>
<p>"No... I..." You stammer, unable to keep your voice even, but at least keeping your ground. </p>
<p>He obviously expected you to take a step back, but now your face and his skull were eye-to-eye socket. His teeth were a hair's breadth away from your lips.</p>
<p>"Afraid." He said again slowly, drawing out the word. "You think I'm an interesting oddity. You want to explore what makes me. But it's that same unknown that makes me something to fear."</p>
<p>He wasn't far from the truth.</p>
<p>"Deep down you know I'm a dangerous man in a monsterous body. You should run away, junior detective. I won't chase you."</p>
<p>He didn't make any sudden movements or try to kiss you, but this was still very unsettling.</p>
<p>You wished he *would* kiss you instead of making vague threats to try to prove a point. </p>
<p>You decided to call him in his bluff. None of what he said was wrong, necessarily. He really is a dangerous man, though you'd hesitate to call a skeleton a monster, you could see where he was coming from.</p>
<p>You leaned forward the inch required and planted your lips right onto his skeletal mouth.</p>
<p>He tasted... Just like you thought he would, but with an added note of chemical disinfectant, which took away from the experience somewhat. He must keep his bones clean somehow, you pondered.</p>
<p>You leaned back again, and studied his face. He hadn't moved when you kissed him. You figure he was caught off guard. You waited for him to lecture you about taking risks, or to push his bluff further.</p>
<p>He didn't do either of those things. He took a step back and sighed deeply before turning around and walking back into his bedroom.<br/>Was this an invitation? He had warned you he was dangerous and then you kissed him. Should you follow him into his bedroom? That sigh seemed very defeated. Defeated is not really the kind of bedroom mood you envisioned on your drive over here.</p>
<p>You decide to follow him. If he's not going to give you a straight answer you are gonna wring it from his bones. After all, that's what you do right?</p>
<p>Skulduggery seemed surprised to see you. He also seemed less stiff. When he saw that you were following him he stopped walking and turned around to face you in his bedroom.<br/>"What are you doing?" He asked you curtly. "Don't tell me you didn't listen to my warnings." </p>
<p>You don't respond, just walk past him and sit on his bed. "I didn't actually think you had one of these," you pat the sheets, "but it's not even dusty."<br/>He looks embarrassed for a moment, as if that was even possible for him. "I like to lay in bed when there's something I'm missing in a case." He admits.</p>
<p>"Oh," You say before thinking, "Can I ask you a question?"</p>
<p>He nods at you in response, as if he's eager for you to change the subject.</p>
<p>"Why don't you let me try?" </p>
<p>"I'm just a junior detective. If things don't go well between us you can just have me shipped to another Sanctuary."</p>
<p>He shakes his head at this idea. "You're not being sent anywhere." He tells you as he walks over to the closet and puts his jacket on one of those fancy hangers that don't crease fabric. "And it would be bad for both our careers if we were involved with each other."</p>
<p>Well, that sounds serious. "So..." You start to say before he stops you.<br/>"You might not think highly of yourself, junior detective. But to me, all our men and women are important." He pauses and turns around to look at you directly in the eyes, "Even you." With these words he shuts the door to his closet and crosses his arms over his chest. </p>
<p>He looks so good in that fancy shirt. You wonder what he looks like underneath. It's not like you don't know what a skeleton looks like, but each set of bones is different. And it's not like you weren't listening to all his serious talk, it's that you had already decided for yourself that this risk was worth it.</p>
<p>In any case, your question didn't get answered, so now what? Follow him around all day being polite, or just take this opportunity while he's telling you all this stuff in a safe place?</p>
<p>You stand up and bring yourself close to him again. This time he doesn't seem flustered at all. But he hasn't actually said he doesn't want you to try. </p>
<p>You pull his skeletal hands into yours gently and look into his eyes. "Skulduggery... I know it's important to keep work problem free. That's why, if you say yes, I'll quit my job. Just to be with you. Just to give it a try! I'm not asking you to marry me, just give me a chance to make you smile. Say yes."</p>
<p> You slide one hand down his shirt until your fingers find the bottom edge. Then, slowly, you lift it up until it's fully off of him. His ribs are like stone, and so is the rest of him, but it doesn't matter. What matters is how he's looking at you right now. </p>
<p>"Yes."</p>
<p>You seriously didn't think that would work. You suppose a skeleton man has needs even without flesh. Now it is up to you to find out what those needs are.</p>
<p> And if there's something under here... Well, you can worry about that in a minute. Right now you have to take this opportunity to get him naked.</p>
<p>His boney hands get in the way of your fumbling at his pants and he lifts you up gently, dropping you on your ass in the bed. You bounce lightly as he pushes your legs apart with his own and leans in between them. His teeth smash against your lips in a rough and sudden kiss.</p>
<p>Your heart is beating faster than it ever has before and you wonder if he can tell. Can other people tell that they're having a heart attack just from physical sensations? Maybe he knows exactly what he's doing to you and he's making you feel this way on purpose.</p>
<p>Or maybe he's not capable of that level of intimacy, but either way you don't care because right now it's causing your heart to beat faster and that's the goal right?</p>
<p>Your hands grasp at his pants buckle and after a moment's struggle his belt clicks open and his trousers fall to the floor behind him.</p>
<p>His boney hands eagerly find the buttons on your shirt and open them one by one. Then, just as quickly, he rips off your shirt and presses his ribcage against your bare skin. </p>
<p>Your hands immediately go to his skull and your fingers run under his wig and hat, carefully picking them up and moving them to the side table.</p>
<p>His skeletal fingers grasp at your hips and you bite your lip to keep from making any noise.</p>
<p>The sensations running through your body are almost overwhelming. But right now you can't think of anywhere you'd rather be. As he nibbles at your neck, you can barely remember anywhere else exists. And you're ready for anything.</p>
<p>Just as quickly as he had torn off your shirt, he tugs at your pants and they come free from your body with what seems like minimal effort from him.</p>
<p>Now you're completely naked and so is he, well other than the bones and skin. He must be feeling something similar because his undead eye-sockets seem more hollow than normal and he finally seems nervous.</p>
<p>You pull him closer, one hand wrapped around his bottommost rib, the other on his hip. His head finds its way back down towards yours and you wait eagerly for his teeth to find your lips again.</p>
<p>You're even starting to like the taste of disinfectant.</p>
<p>Instead, he whispers in your ear, "Are you sure about this?"</p>
<p>Your heart skips a beat and you push him away just enough to look into his eyes.</p>
<p>You're surprised he has this much conviction after being stripped naked, but that's a skeleton for you. That's Skulduggery for you. Always the straight man, always the one who does what is right.</p>
<p>In any case, you ARE sure about this. As sure as you can be for a human to be making out with an undead skeleton, anyway.</p>
<p>You nod your head and smile. "More than anything, Skulduggery. It sounds stupid to say now but ever since I first saw you... Without your glamour I mean... "</p>
<p>He raises an eyebrow, "You don't like my human face?"</p>
<p>"Well, I like the real you better."</p>
<p>He chuckles quietly and nuzzles at your neck again. "I like this real you, too."</p>
<p>Before you get too sappy, he bites your neck again, and then lower, more towards your shoulder. It's painful but you manage to keep your whimpers from escaping your throat. The last thing you want is for him to stop because he's hurting you.</p>
<p>He scrapes his teeth, more lightly now, down your shoulder to your nipple and gives it a light nip.</p>
<p>This time you aren't able to hide your sounds and a little help passes your lips. He hesitates for a moment and then does it again.</p>
<p>"S-skulduggery…" you whimper, grasping at one of his arm bones for structural support.</p>
<p>He laughs softly as you set your other hand on top of his skull. "Does it feel good?"</p>
<p>"Y-yes…" you moan, arching up to meet his teeth.</p>
<p>He doesn't say anything more but gives you lots of little love bites down your chest and stomach. As he nears your legs you accidentally tense up, catching his head between your thighs.<br/>He stops for a second when he realizes that he's caught. You relax and he brings both his hands to rest on your thighs where you'd pressed then against his head. </p>
<p>You had no idea what to expect really. A skeleton, down there? It has never happened before. To you, anyway. You close your eyes and silently salute the brave men or women who may have come before you. If there hadn't been any, you resolve to give yourself a medal for the honor.</p>
<p>Your perseverance is rewarded, as he gently rubs you with his fingers. It has never really taken much to get you off before, and this time was no different. You writhed your hips underneath him and he shoved two boney fingers inside you. </p>
<p>You are in heaven, Skulduggery Pleasant paying attention to you with every fiber of his being. (You knew somewhere in there he was thinking about work but you could pretend)</p>
<p>You never wanted anything so much in your life. You wanted to tell him so but you knew it would ruin the mood. You came, and he stood, between your legs, fingers glistening.</p>
<p>"Well that's all I can do for you, hope it was great." He reached over and put this hat and wig back on.</p>
<p>For a moment you struggled to comprehend what was happening. Then it hit you. He was STILL trying to convince you this wasn't what you wanted!</p>
<p>When he realized scaring you wouldn't work, he decided 'sex with a skeleton can't possibly be enjoyable. The junior detective just needs a little taste of reality, surely they haven't thought that far ahead.</p>
<p>You reached forward and pulled him back into the bed, his hat and wig falling partly into his face. Your skin was slick with sweat and your face was redder than a new apple blossom.</p>
<p>You were embarrassed. Embarrassed that you had put your heart and soul into this encounter, and he was still teasing you like a child.</p>
<p>While he was still blinded by his hat and wig being askew, you rolled over on top of him. You let him get his wig and hat in order before saying, "Then it's my turn."</p>
<p>Maybe it was your imagination, but you swore you saw his teeth part in surprise. You took the opportunity to stick your tongue in his mouth.</p>
<p>If he can't talk, he can't make fun of you. You run your hands over his ribs and then down inside his chest cavity. "Uh." He said, despite a mouth full of tongue.</p>
<p>You lean back and smile at him. "If you can't get intimate the regular way, you have to get creative."</p>
<p>Everytime you talk to him you feel dumb. But he had said yes and you weren't going to take that for granted. You lean in again but this time you aim your mouth at his ribs, combining your invasive hand massaging him from the inside, with kisses and gentle love bites to his exterior.</p>
<p>"Uh." He says again.</p>
<p>Worried you're making a fool of yourself yet again, you move lower, intent to double down. This will either go well or so horrible he'll have to go back on his words and send you to a different Sanctuary.</p>
<p>Surprisingly, he lifts his hips ever so slightly when you lick his pelvis bone, right in the middle front where… well you know where.</p>
<p>You look up at him and his teeth are chattering with anticipation. Or canabalistic hunger, as you remember a particularly disturbing documentary.</p>
<p>If you didn't know better, you'd say this was working. Well you had hoped so. You knew he could feel things with his bones, he'd done so many times in the job.</p>
<p>To test your theory, you quickly bit at the spot you were licking before. Your perseverance was rewarded yet again when Skulduggery himself let out a little yelp.</p>
<p>"Ah!"</p>
<p>Your eyes twinkled with a new fire. It could be done! Before you had a chance to triple down, Skulduggery's hand was on your head, pushing you away. He sat up and you could see he was visibly shaken.</p>
<p>"Skulduggery?" You asked, worried that maybe you had hurt him.</p>
<p>"Nope. Nope. This was a bad idea." He swung one leg over your head and sat with his legs closed. </p>
<p>"But… I thought you liked it?" You were a little hurt. After everything, he was going to push you away because he was actually having fun?</p>
<p>"Yes. No! I mean, that's not the point! Our- our careers!"</p>
<p>He obviously hadn't been listening to you when you said you'd quit your job for him. He was grasping at straws anyway. It wasn't his career he was worried about. He'd taken much greater risks when it came to his career before he met you and he'd probably do it again tomorrow.</p>
<p>You stood from your kneeling position and positioned yourself over his leg bones so if he tried to stand up he'd run smack into you.</p>
<p>"You're making excuses, Skulduggery. We are compatible and you know it! So, what? What is it? Are you saving yourself for the old gods or something? Are you in love with someone you can't have? Are you just afraid you won't be good enough?" You were thinking about pushing him back on the bed when he let his forehead fall to your stomach.</p>
<p>What had you just said? "You're afraid you're not good enough?"</p>
<p>He shook his head without bringing it up. "Not… not exactly." He admitted.</p>
<p>You weren't sure what to do so you pulled his wig and hat back off his head and set them back on the side table again. You ran your fingers lightly against one of the many cracks and seams in his skull as he continued.</p>
<p>"I guess I can't really hide behind my cold dead exterior with you anymore, can I…?" </p>
<p>You resist the urge to mimic his little yelp from earlier. He seems really somber now, so you quell your amusement for now. Not that he would do the same for you.</p>
<p>"I wasn't able to keep my family safe, during the war. I'm not afraid that I won't measure up to any measurement you could put against me." He lifts his head to stare into your face. It surprises you again how much emotion can be etched into bone like that. </p>
<p>"You're afraid… you might actually catch feelings and then lose me too." You descend onto your knees so you can look up at him.</p>
<p>He didn't say anything more. Looks like you hit the proverbial nail on the head. Shit. There wasn't really anything to say to that! What, are you going to promise not to die??</p>
<p>Instead, you smiled sweetly and said, "get the fuck over yourself Skulman." </p>
<p>He jerked in surprise.</p>
<p>"Everyone dies. Even you, someday. But if you live your life afraid to love, then you will live long enough to see yourself become the villain." You were still speaking so sweetly, as though you were talking to a child. Every word that came out of your mouth was a cliche, but you had to say something.</p>
<p>Skulduggery laughed. It was quiet at first, kind of sad. But it turned into a real laugh and you smiled at him. You weren't really sure what he was laughing for, but it was better than the somber angst he was pouring out before.</p>
<p>"So what do you say, one more chance?" You tugged at his knees and they came open. "I'm not asking you to fall in love with me. Just have a little fun."</p>
<p>"I guess there really is no convincing you this is a bad idea, huh? I even pulled out the dead family card." You could tell it hurt him even as he said it. He was never going to forget what happened to his wife and kid.</p>
<p>"I'm pretty obstinate." you remark. You didn't need to take their place, so the impossibility didn't phase you. All you wanted was to ease his pain for a while. And if he was willing to let you, you would jump at the chance.</p>
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